two weeks left. the image of sitting infront of my papers, the feeling of having done nothing after a paper has ended, the scene whereby our papers are returned, the announcement of getting into the various lecture grps thru banding, the "study-or-not-the-result-will-still-be-the-same" thinking --- they are all freaking me outtt. sometimes i really feel that i'm studying not cos i want good grades, not cos i wanna prove myself, not for anyone. but simply cos i am scared. i really don't want history to repeat itself..the sequels are continuously playing in my head.i don't wanna face all these, yet.. i thought of how i didnt even dare to say "i don't like studying" in the past..it may sound stupid, but this was how i was last time. maybe that thinking got me going, but now i really wish to express my dislike for studying. sighhh. and i wonder why my languages, seemingly my forte in the past, are now going downhill. sighhhhh.

things shall now come to a standstill, i guess. as much as i hope i could, i realise i cant afford to place hopes on something that has such a low probability of success. i am not upset, not pissed or whatsoever with anyone..just disappointed with myself.